uhh.. ok
i don't really know where to start. yesterday. i .. don't know what to say. it was just .. a blur. hours of intense .. intensity. i'm suprised i'm alive right now. i took more dxm yesterday than i was prepared for. 1500mg. i lost control of everything. for a while i didn't know who i was. it was one of the scariest and most influential drug experiences to date. i wish i could go into detail but i don't really know how to put it into words. i went through every aspect of my life. work. relationships. inner-issues. i was disconnected from myself. nothing made sense. things were happening that i thought i had control of .. but with my sobriety now .. finding out never even happened. the walls and ceiling were surging with activity. i could reach out and touch whatever it was i saw .. and my hand was like a tool from god that could do anything.
one faded thing i remember is that i was scheduled to work yesterday. i completely forgot and got a call asking where i was .. i quickly came up with some bullshit about having a virus and being too sick to come in. i also took the opportunity to call in today because .. yea .. i'm pretty worthless right now. over 12 hours after i dosed, i still couldn't walk straight. 24 hours after, still couldn't see straight. only now am i able to really function.
on a side note, i'm thinking about quitting best buy's geek squad. a local guy wants to hire me into his business as a technical consultant for local businesses. i don't have too many details yet but it sounds promising.
also, my mystery girl has escaped me. it seems so unfair but at the same time i understand. we both love each other .. but the timing has never been right. it seems like this time i'm too late. she's found her mate .. and it's not me. i don't know what to say .. but my heart dropped to the floor. .. i don't really have much else to say about that
so now i'm trying to pick up the pieces. get some rest. figure things out. i'll speak more if i can remember anything else. otherwise .. i'm just going to sleep a lot.