lemon-lime
i don't have much to say. i had one really good day this week. but that's only because i was lying to myself. so beyond that it's been getting gradually worse. i can't blame work or anyone else, though. everything i hate is, for the most part, my fault. i think i'm two dimensional. i'm not seeing things for what they really are. take, for example, this girl .. the one i've been talking about in previous entries. i see is someone that i believe could fill a gap but is out my reach. to top it off, it's because of what i've done that she isn't accessible. but in reality she's still there. she may not want to be with me in a way that i desire but she still wants to be a part of my life. i choose to ignore that fact. at this point i believe it can only take time. but she's going to eventually get married and that's going to be like another bullet in my chest -- if i haven't come to terms. ladies and gentlemen, love does exist. against my every attempt to confirm the "urban myth" .. but it's painful. i think i'd rather have it be a legend.
but some things i'm dealing with have been certified to be shitty. like my job. it's not bad .. the work itself. the pay is a problem. i'm making complete shit for my level of skill. but the market down here sucks. first off, my hourly dollar amount isn't great. on top of that, best buy considers full time to be 32 hours. i believe it's time to search for new employment .. and not because i'm whining about how lazy i am. i think this is a valid point.
-----
i'm typing this approximately one hour past the above text.
so anyway, i'm pretty stoned right now. listening to radiohead - kid a. very profound album for that band. it's strange .. how much better i'm feeling right now. unfortunately i have to be at work in three hours. i fear i'm going to be extremely hungry and tired. lets hope i don't give customers blank stares and start drooling.
now switching to roadrunner united. all music sounds better to me now. incredible even -- especially with how hard this disc hits. but at any rate .. my mother brought this home from her trip. isn't she a sweetheart? always thinkin' about her little boy.
a girl who liked me at work (back at shepeard) sent me a message today. i haven't talked to her since i left for baltimore. we're going out for a drink saturday night at the soul bar. i just want to hear what's been going down. they've recently opened another donation center in evans, georgia. she also knows a little about the status of the servers. it was good talking to her .. communication outside of my normal ring.
eh. i don't have much else to talk about i don't think. gonna chill for a couple hours. then off to enrich myself at the poverty level place of employment. rock and roll. 10-4 good buddy