fucked up dreams
around 1130 last night i fell asleep. even though i have the day off today, i don't think my lack of willingness to stay up and watch adultswim is strange. i'm a creature of habit and a slave to the system. but anyway, last night i kept waking up after having some really awful dreams. they weren't nightmares .. i haven't had anything like that since i was little. i can't really say what they were because i don't remember. except for the last one. i was a black female. sometimes in first person and sometimes in third. but my name was still the same. wrote it on documentation and everything. i even signed my suicide letter with my name. that's the fucked up part .. and i think that's what happened in the previous dreams. i killed myself.
it was really fucked up because it was so stressful and hurtful while i was writing the letter and tying the rope and what not .. but when i woke up, before i even realized where i was or that i was even in bed, i felt this calm. i don't know what it means or if it even has meaning but i do know that it's almost seven in the morning and i can't sleep anymore.
sometimes i wanna cry .. but i never do. that would just be stupid. i guess it would be a waste of emotion. maybe i just have bad indigestion.
overall .. whatever. i'm going to watch tv.