after reading gard's long entry about his life, and reflecting, i decided to come up with something a bit more lengthy as well. when we had poofin, i don't think i had an entry that spanned more than a paragraph or two the entire time it was running.
so what's going on in my life? well, since being diagnosed with cancer in early july, and having surgery, and going through chemo.. not much else. i guess i feel like my life has taken a huge dip again in quality. and it fucking sucks. since i graduated high school, i've now had surgery twice, gotten arrested, and now i have testicular cancer. i think karma owes me a huge break, one of these days. i know of a great way karma can hit me back. maybe help me find a girl this year. and it's not just about getting laid for me, i desire a relationship with another human being on a completely different level than anyone else in my life. someone i can relate to and is just as interested in my life as i'm interested in theirs. but it's fucking hard for me to introduce myself and talk to people i don't know at all. i'm very shy. and on top of that, i think it's difficult to put the "mack down" when i look sick as fuck most of the time and have no hair. chemo is supposed to be done by the end of september. i hope my body goes back to feeling normal by then. i'm getting pretty sick of living like this.
school starts a week from yesterday. i'm meeting up with my buddy to go purchase textbooks later today. i'm a little nervous for school to start up again. since i'll still be in chemo for about the first month, i'll need to play catchup a lot. hopefully my professors will be somewhat understanding of my condition, and will give me a little bit of a break on handing shit in late when i am out for chemo. also, i don't have a single class that's outside of the business building. they're all 300 to 400 level business administration classes. let's see.. entrepreneurship, accounting, operations management, and c++. that's some hardcore shit. if i was doing college in 4 years, i would have graduated last spring. and as it stands now, i'm on the 6 year plan, with about 4 semesters to go, and that's only if i do some summer school. kinda makes me feel like a fuckup. but i guess i'm thankful that i'm not graduated and expected to find a "real job". god.. that is not even in the realm of my reality right now.
as far as actually doing shit, i haven't been doing a goddamn thing. since we moved into the new place and have digital cable, it pwns my life. it's not like i've been feeling strong or well enough to go out, so starting at 6pm, the tv goes on and i watch csi and other assorted crap until 10, when adult swim comes on, my holy grail of cable. i rarely play video games anymore. i just don't seem to have the drive or attention span. i would love to finish final fantasy vii, dungeon siege 2, halflife 2, and maybe even play some competitive unreal tournament. but i just can't seem to get myself to. and i doubt that's gonna change, especially when i have to worry about assignments.
so yeah, i don't know at what point in my mind this entry started or where it ended. i guess that's the beauty of an online journal. thank you, mt and monkeyphish.